Proud of who I am

My beauty is not limited to my looks or the way I walk. It’s not my body or my hair that defines me. Don’t judge my be my looks, my clothes or the way I wear my hair. My intelligence is not limited to my degrees or my educational level. Don’t make assumptions about me by looking at my income, my house or my life style. I can not be defined by all these. Judge me by the love and compassion I have in my heart. Find the beauty in the way I smile when I hide my scars and overcome my pain. Define me by my capacity to endure pain and my passion to survive despite all the odds in my life. Judge me by the way I treat people around me and the way I touch so many hearts with my unconditional love. My life is not glorious but it’s not awful or pathetic. I may not have a great influence on people I meet, but, I ‘m unique in my own special way even with my flaws and imperfections. And, if this is not enough you can define me by the footprints of love that I will leave behind in the hearts of people when I am dead and gone. I am proud of who I am.

Advertisements

Goals & Aspirations

Other than my educational goals, which I’ve previously mentioned, I have other goals and aspirations.

I want to learn four or five more languages. I want to learn and fluently speak and sign; American Sign Language, French, Italian, Portuguese and some kind of Mandarin. I want to volunteer for the Peace Corps. I’d love to work for the United Nations once I’m done with my educational goals and work with victims of Human Trafficking and Refugees. I’d love to travel and see the world internationally and learn other cultures.

I’m currently a volunteer at American Red Cross as an International Case Worker where I help families locate loved ones in varies countries not just within the United   States. We even locate victims of the Holocaust and their where abouts if they are survivors! We also help locate victims of war from other countries. I think what the American Red Cross does is just AMAZING!!

I’d love to get back to bikram yoga – which is the equivalent of hot yoga in TX but in lesser degree rooms. The bikram yoga I did back home the temperature in the room was 105 degrees and I loved it. I even believe its better than sex; but, that’s just me.  In TX the temperature is way less; I believe the highest is 98 degrees. But it’s all good, as long as I get back to it; it’s all that matters to me. Plus, it offers great benefits like glowing skin because it helps detoxify your system and you can even lose weight just off of Hot Yoga. I’d love to start re-training to run in a half and full marathon. I don’t plan on being first place, but I’d really like to get back to running and just have that experience.

I plan to start writing a book; with the help of my previous English Professor. She will be helping me and guiding me as well as doing the P.R. for me; which is something she does on the side. She’s going to help get an Editor and Publisher as well. I’d love to bring this into fruition. I will most likely write about my life and the peeks and valleys I’ve been faced with and how I was able to get out of the rut I was in. It will be an inspiring book and it will also bring hope to victims and survivors of abuse.

I can only do all this with the limited time I have in a day and financial resources with the help of God. He’s my sole provider for all my heart’s desires. And He will help me bring all my goals and aspirations into fruition. I just have to believe and set my mind to it.

It’s so exciting to be sharing with you what I’d love to do with my life. You know, after this fall semester I will have 3 more semesters to go and I will be receiving my Bachelors. I can hardly wait! Just to envision myself graduating and walking the stage is what keeps me motivated to pursue my hearts desires.

Pray for me and my future endeavors.

Love & Light!

 

 

 

 

Determination

As previously stated; I will be getting my Bachelor of Social Work in the Spring of 2015 which my goal was to have it by the time I’m 34, something I will be able to accomplish. I will be attending UTA for a dual Masters’ in Social Work and Public Administration and giving myself 2 years for that. I will then continue to pursue my Ph.D. in International Social Work, I have yet to know which school I will attend;  in hopes that I’m done with that by the time I’m 40.

I currently work two full time jobs. One consists of 40hrs a week working the graveyard shift and the other consists of 36hrs a week working the day shift. I don’t have a day off at all. It’s been a few weeks since I took time off my day job so I can focus on my classes but will be returning soon.  

For the summer I’m taking 18 credit hours which consist of six classes. You might ask if I sleep. I do, I get to nap two hours a day and that’s all. How can I function? I honestly don’t know. I just have the drive to continue to stay determined and focused and keep my eyes on my goals.

I also have a goal to be able to save at least 20k by the time I get my bachelor’s degree and purchase a home somewhere in TX. I don’t know where yet because it depends where the road leads with the man I’m in love with. I plan to include him in all my future endeavors, but it just all depends on him and what he’d like to do, and where our friendship / relationship goes.

I’m the type of woman that takes the bull by the horns and handles business. I don’t wait around for anyone to do anything for me and I don’t depend on anyone for anything. I’ve been this way since I was 13 years old. I think this was an issue in my marriage because when I would ask my ex-husband to do something he’d wait until he felt like doing it; so, I’d do it on my own. Whether it was helping our handyman put in new kitchen cabinets in our home or paint the whole inside of the house. I just took action and still do.

I started working at the age of 13 to help support my family. I’ve literally been working 19 years total. I remember when I started working at the day care I would bring home 100$ a week; I’d keep 20$ and give my dad the rest. My mother became extremely ill and became disabled, unable to help my father with bills. So, I took the initiative to help. My brothers got to do the sports things and enjoy a childhood. I don’t I ever really remember enjoying a childhood. I mean, I don’t sob about it. I’m 32 for crying out loud. I sure as hell don’t wish to go back in time. I also don’t regret anything in my life. I think people go through certain things to be able to help others’ in the future.

The first impression most people get from me is that I’m a b***h. But, I’m not; I can be if I have to. Only when I’m defending those I care about or someone messes with me. But, for the most part, I’m mellow, down to earth, a good woman, loving, sincere and genuine. Again, I don’t dilly dally around anything. I call it like I see it. Some people take that as being blunt, but only sometimes. I just don’t sugar coat anything because I don’t see a need for that. I think people need to know straight up whatever the issue is. Why sugar coat anything? I don’t get it.  

I’m determined to keep pushing forward no matter what peeks and valleys I have to go through. I can do all things through Christ and what I set my mind to, with of course the help of God. Only He gives me the strength to be able to have so much energy and make it day in and day out. All the glory be to God.

Love & Light!

Free From Oppression

Most of my life I’ve lived in my own oppression. This past weekend I just couldn’t take it anymore. I used the fact that I was dared to do something and I did. I came clean and told my closest co-workers that I was a pansexual (along the lines of being bisexual). They couldn’t believe it and I was fine with that because I had this sense of relief rush through-out my whole body. Next thing I needed to do was tell my parents. I sent a text to my two brothers basically telling them I was gay. One of them turned around and told my dad. It wasn’t his place to say anything and I don’t think he understands the principle of it. Anyways, for hours my dad blew up my phone via calls and txt msgs. I couldn’t answer as all this happened, I was actually at work.

I waited to get home and even had a speech for my father: “Dad, is it a requirement for me to love men in order for you to love me? Because if that’s the case then know you’re my dad and I love you for who you are, who you’ve been, and who’ll you’ll be. I love you for your choices and your mistakes and I’d be happy if you stood by my side and accepted me as is, through my choices and mistakes, past and present. But this is who I am and who I’ll always be and you’ve loved me this long, while I’ve been this person and now your love changes because I’ve put a name on my sexuality?” His response was cold. He basically said that he used to be very proud of me and held me up in a pedestal and now with this he simply could not accept me and hung up on me.

While I sat in the truck sobbing, I could only think of relief and freedom. I was finally free from this long lived oppression within my heart. Do you understand the concept of being free? If you feel oppressed in any way, shape or form, try it sometime. You will cry and feel like nothing will bring you down, because you’ve broken those chains holding you down. My father asked if this is what he taught me. Where is the respect towards the family? He totally made this about him and not me; again I’m fine with it. I had to just get it off my chest and let them know who the real me is.

I can no longer hide myself because of shame or judgment from others. I refuse to accept anything less of myself. I will continue to live my life the way I have, continue my education and keep my eyes on the prize – my ultimate life goal. I will accomplish all things I set my mind to with or without my family’s support. I’ve managed this far!